I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
In America we eat man semen.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
