A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Who died my cat blue again?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
