I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
