I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
