I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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