Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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