Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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