I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
