how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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