Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
