id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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