you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
