WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
