drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
