Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
