She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
