Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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