i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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