Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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