But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
