I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
