your room smells of hookers.
And success
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
