who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
