ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize