you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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