dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
