I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
