I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
