So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
