She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
