I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
