Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
