I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
