I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
