Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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