I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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