Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
