i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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