After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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