I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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