I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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