She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize