Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
