just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
