worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
