Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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