I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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