If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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