well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
