watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
