Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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