i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
