it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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