He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
