So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
