Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
