he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
