i wish peter jackson would direct porn
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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