I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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