It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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