It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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