Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
