I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
