I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize