Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize