dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
