I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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