Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it hurts more in the daytime
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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