Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
