did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
