oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
