The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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