I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
