Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
