ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
