I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
