I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
What a dumb baby whore.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
