but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
