i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
