I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
