I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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