dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
